You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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