Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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