you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize