Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
