i permit you to call me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
