omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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