I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
