I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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