It's Friday. Sex?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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