honey bunches of taint.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize