i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
