Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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