3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
