i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
