oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
