i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize