Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
