Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
