I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
