I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
