On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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