I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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