I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
