Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
