We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
