I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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