He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
ok first of all what the fuck
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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