I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this just has baby written all over it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
