I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize