You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
