It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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