My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I did not marry a roomba.
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