I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
