a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
