I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
