Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
