I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
