If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
