A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
