hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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