I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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