Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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