I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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