oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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