i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she peed on how many people?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
