Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
