Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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