omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize