What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
