Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
