was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
