how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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