i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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