Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just high enough for therapy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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