I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
