i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
