Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
