what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We got so high we made milksteak
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
