Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize