I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
