Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
