I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
