I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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