his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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