i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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