btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
