Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
