if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
