im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
